Monday Gospel Musings: Made of Clay

There was a song back when I was in my teen-age years that we used to love in Young Women's (the LDS church group for girls aged 12-17). I can't remember all of it now but I think it was called the Masterpiece. Part of it went something like this

"Simple clay in a potter's hand
an empty page and an author's pen
an artist's brush to a canvas white
and a work of art, comes to life

"Marble raw but the Master sees
the masterpiece that lies beneath
the rough hand of the Master's touch
can change this life into a work of love

"So everyday I pray,
He'll write His will upon my heart
mold my soul to His design
with refining floods and flames
He's smoothing edges and the seams
and in time, time, time,
oh this simple life, will be
a masterpiece."

One of my gifts in life is that at an early age I was taught the power and need for obedience. I wanted to be that clay that so willingly lent itself to the Master's perfect hand. Even still, if someone I trust tells me to do something more likely than not I have no problem following orders (or at least trying to until my procrastination kicks in, but that's a different story). Overall this gift has worked out pretty well for me over the years. Sometimes though it's proved a bit problematic- mostly in my teens as the people I thought I could trust weren't always as trustworthy or reliable as I had thought they were.

Now as an adult, a wife, and mother, and daughter of God I'm finding a whole new layer to the problems that this can cause. Because I am so used to relying on the judgement and wisdom of others I often second-guess myself. I want to wait until someone tells me I'm right before I move ahead with any serious decisions. When something big looms before me I feel like unless someone else tells me exactly what to do that I am going to mess it up.

Our family has had a lot of big changes in the past while and we're looking at more. I'm at a point now where I am rethinking a lot of how I view my life and deciding what I want my future to look like. It's exhilarating and frightening all at once. It's exhilarating because I feel like there's so much hope and possibility in these dreams. Frightening because those doubts keep telling me I'm crazy and I should really consult with someone who will give me an honest opinion of my sanity before I really do go off the deep end.

Well I've been praying and reading and searching for those extra conformations that what I'm doing is right and mostly I've felt very at peace. Then I return again to my doubts and want even more proof that I'm not just imagining it because that's what I want to feel. A bit neurotic but like I said, the blessing of obedience has it's challenges.

Finally this past weekend the peace has really started to sink in. Here's what I realized. I am right - to an extent. Here's the thing about clay - the land that we used to own was full packed with fields of clay that were dry and hard and totally unsuitable as it was for being able to craft anything from. Clay can be too yielding though as well. If the clay we work with is too wet it can't hold a form. The coils have to be made out of something that still hold its shape without being too tough.

I think that Heavenly Father wants us to be like the clay. We need to be moldable and ready to be worked with, but a part of that comes as we are ourselves and are able to be more than just a muddy puddle. He wants us to have ideas and interests and dreams that are our own and bring those things to Him for perfecting. Sometimes we may be off base in what we are hoping for and He may have to craft us differently than we had planned but what He's doing isn't necessarily making what's there good but rather finding the best way to use the good that's already there.

There's a scripture in the Doctrine & Covenants Section 58:26-29 that says

"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

"Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

"For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

"But he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned."

When we are damned we are stopped from progressing. I think it's interesting that He says that we already have the power within us to do good and unless we learn to use that and do good things because we want to and not because someone's told us it's what we need to do we stop our progression in being like Heavenly Father. The major requirement for progress is a desire to do something good.

For me still, yes sometimes I think it would be a lot easier if life came with blueprints of all the choices to be made so we could always trust that what we were doing was good. Seems as though that fits more with what Lucifer had in mind and I already rejected that plan for a better one. Guess I need to take those next babysteps into the darkness, give the Master the very best of me, and trust Him to do His work.