Life's Little Lessons: How to get what you want.

Bear is two. That really just about says it all. He is an absolutely joyous handful.  Recently his vocabulary has skyrocketed but there’s still so much that he struggles with communicating – hence the frustrating terrible two’s. Instead of getting frustrated with him (like I’m pretty sure I did with his big sister and brother) I’ve been trying to figure out what I can learn from him.

One of Bear’s favorite words and signs is the sign for “more” we get that a lot. When it gets frustrating for him is when he can’t communicate what he wants more of. We all know he wants something but figuring out just what can be a challenge.

It made me think about my own communication – how often do I communicate half of an idea or explain only half of what I need and then expect others to understand. It’s not really fair to them and it rarely gets me what I want.

I think that most people respond better when they are asked politely with a clear understanding of what’s needed and wanted.

No. One. Reads. Minds.

Lesson learned: If I want something or need something I need to not be afraid to just ask and make sure that I’m clear about what it is that I want.

General Conference Review: Choose Wisely

I know it’s been a really long while since I was working on the blog. I’m still not certain what direction it will take but being away from it for a while has really helped me re-focus some of my ideas and hopefully make it better!

One of the things that I’m going to be doing is starting again with reviews of the General Conference talks. I love listening to General Conference. I love re-reading through everything. The kids and I have started trying to watch a talk every day while they take a break from work and have their morning snacks. Tiger still doesn’t like sitting and paying attention too much although I can tell every so often that he’s picking stuff up. Monkey has really benefited I think. She loves the stories and when the General Authorities get personal about themselves and their families and the amazing people they know and things that they’ve experienced.

Last Easter weekend was another beautiful General Conference weekend. It was nice to be able to spend so much family time all together listening to the General Authorities. Before I start in on their talks though I want to go back to one from October 2014 Conference.  I teach the 4^th Sunday in Relief Society and my lesson before this conference was based on a talk given in the Priesthood Session by Elder Quentin L. Cook titled “Choose Wisely”. I actually hadn’t really gone through the Priesthood Talks from that Conference so it was a new talk to me and I really enjoyed studying it and teaching from it.

To start off please take a minute and ponder the question “What choices have I made today?

Every day we make trillions of choices. Some are consciously made and some are unconsciously made but each minute we are continually choosing. I think sometimes we forget just how powerful those choices are. One of the greatest gifts we’ve been given on this Earth is our ability to choose.

Elder Cook reminded us of President Monson’s teaching that our decisions determine our destiny. Elder Cook said, “In that spirit my counsel tonight is to rise above any rationalizations that prevent us from making righteous decisions, especially with respect to serving Jesus Christ.”

The idea that decisions determine destiny made me think about each choice being like a fork in the road. Every unhappy destination likely began with a bad choice. That may seem kind of discouraging because we all make bad choices. The flip side and blessing is that every joyful and happy destination begins with a good choice. At any point in time we can choose a different path than the one that we are on. If we don’t like where we are heading all we have to do is make a new choice.

One of the sisters shared a story about how much power is in simple daily choices for good. She said that when her daughters were in Seminary they had a teacher who challenged them to read a chapter of scripture a day. The challenge was taken on by the girls and through her influence they were able to develop a pattern of daily scripture study that has been a blessing to them throughout their lives.

Elder Cook told the story of a young man he had met that had some very worthy goals such as going on a mission, obtaining an education, marrying in the temple, and having a faithful happy family. Elder Cook noted however that most of the young man’s choices were not leading towards those goals.

In many ways that made me think of myself. I don’t know about anyone else but I think I’m obsessive over goals. Since I know that having good goals is important, it seems as though I’m always trying to come up with new ones. The problem for me is that I spend more time thinking about the goals and trying to figure out how I can reach them then I do actually doing those things that will get me there.  It often holds me back and I spend a lot of time frustrated because even though my goals are good I never seem to be able to reach them.

There are a few things Elder Cook talked about that keep us from reaching our goals. In my case one of my goal killers is getting overwhelmed by the enormity of the goal and procrastinating because it’s easier than dealing with it. Please someone else tell me it’s not just me!

One problem Elder Cook spoke of was rationalizations. Elder Cook said, “When we rationalize wrong choices, big or small, which are inconsistent with the restored gospel, we lose the blessings and protections we need and often become ensnared in sin or simply lose our way.” Elder Cook reminded of Elder Oaks council to seek out the very best.

The last problem in making good choices that Elder Cook spoke of was distractions. Elder Cook said, “Sometimes it feels like we are drowning in frivolous foolishness, nonsensical noise, and continuous contention. When we turn down the volume and examine the substance, there is very little that will assist us in our eternal quest toward righteous goals. One father wisely responds to his children with their numerous requests to participate in these distractions. He simply asks them, ‘Will this make you a better person?’”

In the church we tend to talk a lot about choices and agency. I’m not sure if it’s the same for everyone but I think it’s a great blessing that we really need to take more time to ponder. One of our sisters grew up in Finland. She remembers a time and a people that had very few personal choices they were allowed to make.

For me this idea of the power of personal choice is just starting to really develop. I have what I like to think of as a fairly obedient spirit. Growing up I never really questioned, I just followed instructions. There have been a lot of blessings that have come from that obedience. Especially lately though I’ve seen a whole new light to this idea of choice – God doesn’t just tell us to choose and then punish us when it isn’t what He wants. Many times God gives us two or more very good choices and waits patiently while we choose for ourselves which one we desire.

One way that I have felt this in my life was when I was serving as Primary President. I was always so nervous about finding people for callings. I worried so much about getting exactly who the Lord intended for the position that it was agonizing and tearful. After a few years I finally came to the realization that God didn’t need me to pray for specific revelation about each and every person on the ward roster. He wanted me to use my own wisdom and judgement and decide for myself who I thought would be well fitted and then take that to Him. Doctrine & Covenants tells us that Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to be commanded in all things but to do good of our own free will.

I really can’t explain enough how much this new perspective on choice has changed me. Yes, our decisions are important, we know that many of our decisions – even the little daily ones – can impact us and our family, and countless others throughout eternity. That’s huge and pretty intimidating. But God still loves us and wants us to be us and that will be a little different for each of us. The Spirit isn’t there to tell us exactly every moment of every day what to do and who to be – it’s to help us find our very best selves with God’s help. That isn’t to say we can choose whatever we want. I don’t believe that’s the case by a long shot. I think that if the answer is no or not now and we’re in touch with the Holy Spirit then we’ll feel that and we should respond accordingly.

Elder Cook ended with these thoughts, “I encourage everyone, young and old, to review goals and objectives and strive to exercise greater discipline. Our daily conduct and choices should be consistent with our goals. We need to rise above rationalizations and distractions. It is especially important to make choices consistent with our covenants to serve Jesus Christ in righteousness… In all things we should remember that being ‘valiant in the testimony of Jesus’ is the great dividing test between the celestial and terrestrial kingdoms. We want to be found on the celestial side of that divide.”

I know that as we make choices that are consistent with our knowledge of the gospel and in keeping with the Spirit that Heavenly Father will bless us with great joy and happiness and we’ll be able to reach all those worthy goals.