Some thoughts as I become a Bishop's Wife

A Bishop in the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints is a leader of a congregation or ward, similar to a Pastor or Preacher of other Christian faiths. I loved my Bishop when I was a little kid. There’s even a story where I cried for his help right in the middle of Sacrament Meeting when I got into trouble for being naughty. When I was 5 years old the Bishopric changed. In our church that just how it goes. Every so often we get called to do different things. It’s not something we have votes on or accept applications for and we don't get paid. We believe it is done by revelation from God through our leaders and we then choose if we will accept or decline the opportunity to serve. Most of the time that means trusting with faith that God will qualify those He chooses. A lot of times this includes going far from our comfort zones and working long hours and helping to carry some pretty heavy burdens all while juggling the "normal" things of life like family and work.  Well, I was a pretty precocious 5-year-old and happened to catch the new Bishop sitting at his desk with the door ajar. I still remember pulling myself up to the opposite side of the desk that must have been almost as high as I was tall and planting my elbows on the top and then hoisting myself into the air and swinging my feet as I stared him in the eye. In my most serious and grown-up-matter-of fact-tone I asked him, “So do you think you’re ready to be my Bishop?”

Fast forward to today and here we are. I sat next to my EC this past Thursday as he accepted the call to serve as Bishop of our ward. My heart was racing through a variety of emotions – panic and love being the top two – each trying desperately to overcome the other. I love my husband, I think he’s amazing and I know that he has so much to offer by means of wisdom and compassion in this role. But as I look back at my own question with the table turned I am not so sure I’m ready to be the Bishop’s wife.

I’ve known lots of amazing Bishop’s wives. They tend to be the kind of women that can cook, clean, entertain, exude confidence, inspire faith, serve others, wrangle kids, and still manage to somehow look fabulous. Me – well let’s just say that the first “meal” I ever made for EC was burned French Toast – not because it was breakfast but because it was one of three meals I thought I could cook. While I was in college my sink and fridge were legendary for overflowing with unintentional science projects. I still feel sick to my stomach at the thought of public speaking.  I’m thrilled if we’re actually at church before the sacrament is passed and the kids can survive a meeting without having a meltdown, forget actually hearing the speakers or the whole idea of “reverence”.  As for the rest of my list – my pride won’t let me even begin to describe how inadequate I feel.

I’m not sure how I came by being the Bishop’s wife except that EC somehow for all my faults loves me anyways. I am so thankful to him. Our entire relationship from even before we actually met has been founded on hundreds of little miracles that have helped me grow and strengthened my faith. Because of EC I know that God has His own timing and His own plan for each of us because God loves each of us. Our job is just to keep doing the best we can and have faith that God will make up the rest. Because of EC I know that I can be a little bit better each day and it doesn’t matter right now if I’m not all those things that I think a Bishop’s wife should be. I’m me and I’m trying to be the best person I can be - and to EC and God that’s enough.

I am thankful for this opportunity to give back a little of what so many people have given to us. I am continually amazed by the power of love and service to change lives. I am thankful beyond what I can express to everyone who has already voiced their support and encouragement, because as much as the panic is trying to overcome me and reign supreme, I know without a doubt that the battle’s already been decided and love will win – every time. Meanwhile I’ll just tighten my safety-belt and throw my hands in the air because if it’s going to be a roller-coaster of a ride then I’m determined to make the most of every minute of it.

Some Ideas for Screen Free Week

Have you seen that this is Screen Free Week? It's not to late to get started! We're going to take the challenge! Here are some ideas that we're working on for this week:

1. write a letter
2. plant a seed
3. call a friend on the phone
4. play in the park
5. put on some music and have a dance party
6. read a book (any of the Little House series would be fun this week!)
7. build something with Legos
8. make a tree fort
9. make a fairy house out of acorns, rocks, twigs, or whatever you find in the yard
10. learn a new hobby like knitting or sewing
11. finish a craft project that's been waiting for you
12. rake leaves
13. bake cookies
14. catch up on cleaning
15. visit a farm
16. check out the library
17. visit a museum or art gallery
18. make a tunnel maze out of cardboard boxes
19. find a way to do something kind for a neighbor
20. take treats to the fire or police station
21. take a nap under a tree
22. see how many different flowers or bugs you can identify in your yard
23. see if you can find any animal tracks
24. go for a walk
25. pick up liter on your street
26. make a rock pet
27. write a story
28. act out a play
29. build a blanket fort
30. watch the stars come out
31. learn to cook a new recipe
32. play catch
33. shoot some hoops
34. ride your bike
35. play Frisbee
36. go somewhere new
37. memorize a poem or scripture
38. spend some time with a sibling - let them pick the activity
39. make a card for someone (Mother's Day is coming up)
40. climb a tree
41. play a board game
42. play hide and seek
43. make a song on the piano
44. make pictures from the clouds
45. dig in the dirt and make mudpies
46. have a picnic
47. collect cans for recycling
48. paint a picture
49. practice meditation
50. pick wildflowers for a bouquet (just make sure they're not from your neighbor's garden!)

I know my house really needs this break and the kiddos are actually pretty excited about it. I think with a little imagination it's going to be a really fun week! If you take the challenge let me know what things you all do and how it turns out!

What I learned: Look Past the Clouds

The weather here has been absolutely crazy. It's been going back and forth between spring and winter and today feels like a bit of summer. The other day we were out running errands and one of the kids looked up and noticed that through all the haze of clouds there was a small patch of bright blue sky. I was driving so I couldn't take a picture then but it made me think for a minute. How many times in life are we faced with a sky full of clouds? Honestly, that feels like a lot of my life sometimes. Still isn't it amazing to take a second and think that even though we can only see the clouds that's just because we have a limited perspective. If we were to hop on an airplane we'd see a sky full of blue just hidden temporarily. The good things are there even when they are sometimes hidden. Don't let the clouds of life fool you into thinking that there's no more blue sky!

Life's Little Lessons: How to get what you want.

Bear is two. That really just about says it all. He is an absolutely joyous handful.  Recently his vocabulary has skyrocketed but there’s still so much that he struggles with communicating – hence the frustrating terrible two’s. Instead of getting frustrated with him (like I’m pretty sure I did with his big sister and brother) I’ve been trying to figure out what I can learn from him.

One of Bear’s favorite words and signs is the sign for “more” we get that a lot. When it gets frustrating for him is when he can’t communicate what he wants more of. We all know he wants something but figuring out just what can be a challenge.

It made me think about my own communication – how often do I communicate half of an idea or explain only half of what I need and then expect others to understand. It’s not really fair to them and it rarely gets me what I want.

I think that most people respond better when they are asked politely with a clear understanding of what’s needed and wanted.

No. One. Reads. Minds.

Lesson learned: If I want something or need something I need to not be afraid to just ask and make sure that I’m clear about what it is that I want.

General Conference Review: Choose Wisely

I know it’s been a really long while since I was working on the blog. I’m still not certain what direction it will take but being away from it for a while has really helped me re-focus some of my ideas and hopefully make it better!

One of the things that I’m going to be doing is starting again with reviews of the General Conference talks. I love listening to General Conference. I love re-reading through everything. The kids and I have started trying to watch a talk every day while they take a break from work and have their morning snacks. Tiger still doesn’t like sitting and paying attention too much although I can tell every so often that he’s picking stuff up. Monkey has really benefited I think. She loves the stories and when the General Authorities get personal about themselves and their families and the amazing people they know and things that they’ve experienced.

Last Easter weekend was another beautiful General Conference weekend. It was nice to be able to spend so much family time all together listening to the General Authorities. Before I start in on their talks though I want to go back to one from October 2014 Conference.  I teach the 4^th Sunday in Relief Society and my lesson before this conference was based on a talk given in the Priesthood Session by Elder Quentin L. Cook titled “Choose Wisely”. I actually hadn’t really gone through the Priesthood Talks from that Conference so it was a new talk to me and I really enjoyed studying it and teaching from it.

To start off please take a minute and ponder the question “What choices have I made today?

Every day we make trillions of choices. Some are consciously made and some are unconsciously made but each minute we are continually choosing. I think sometimes we forget just how powerful those choices are. One of the greatest gifts we’ve been given on this Earth is our ability to choose.

Elder Cook reminded us of President Monson’s teaching that our decisions determine our destiny. Elder Cook said, “In that spirit my counsel tonight is to rise above any rationalizations that prevent us from making righteous decisions, especially with respect to serving Jesus Christ.”

The idea that decisions determine destiny made me think about each choice being like a fork in the road. Every unhappy destination likely began with a bad choice. That may seem kind of discouraging because we all make bad choices. The flip side and blessing is that every joyful and happy destination begins with a good choice. At any point in time we can choose a different path than the one that we are on. If we don’t like where we are heading all we have to do is make a new choice.

One of the sisters shared a story about how much power is in simple daily choices for good. She said that when her daughters were in Seminary they had a teacher who challenged them to read a chapter of scripture a day. The challenge was taken on by the girls and through her influence they were able to develop a pattern of daily scripture study that has been a blessing to them throughout their lives.

Elder Cook told the story of a young man he had met that had some very worthy goals such as going on a mission, obtaining an education, marrying in the temple, and having a faithful happy family. Elder Cook noted however that most of the young man’s choices were not leading towards those goals.

In many ways that made me think of myself. I don’t know about anyone else but I think I’m obsessive over goals. Since I know that having good goals is important, it seems as though I’m always trying to come up with new ones. The problem for me is that I spend more time thinking about the goals and trying to figure out how I can reach them then I do actually doing those things that will get me there.  It often holds me back and I spend a lot of time frustrated because even though my goals are good I never seem to be able to reach them.

There are a few things Elder Cook talked about that keep us from reaching our goals. In my case one of my goal killers is getting overwhelmed by the enormity of the goal and procrastinating because it’s easier than dealing with it. Please someone else tell me it’s not just me!

One problem Elder Cook spoke of was rationalizations. Elder Cook said, “When we rationalize wrong choices, big or small, which are inconsistent with the restored gospel, we lose the blessings and protections we need and often become ensnared in sin or simply lose our way.” Elder Cook reminded of Elder Oaks council to seek out the very best.

The last problem in making good choices that Elder Cook spoke of was distractions. Elder Cook said, “Sometimes it feels like we are drowning in frivolous foolishness, nonsensical noise, and continuous contention. When we turn down the volume and examine the substance, there is very little that will assist us in our eternal quest toward righteous goals. One father wisely responds to his children with their numerous requests to participate in these distractions. He simply asks them, ‘Will this make you a better person?’”

In the church we tend to talk a lot about choices and agency. I’m not sure if it’s the same for everyone but I think it’s a great blessing that we really need to take more time to ponder. One of our sisters grew up in Finland. She remembers a time and a people that had very few personal choices they were allowed to make.

For me this idea of the power of personal choice is just starting to really develop. I have what I like to think of as a fairly obedient spirit. Growing up I never really questioned, I just followed instructions. There have been a lot of blessings that have come from that obedience. Especially lately though I’ve seen a whole new light to this idea of choice – God doesn’t just tell us to choose and then punish us when it isn’t what He wants. Many times God gives us two or more very good choices and waits patiently while we choose for ourselves which one we desire.

One way that I have felt this in my life was when I was serving as Primary President. I was always so nervous about finding people for callings. I worried so much about getting exactly who the Lord intended for the position that it was agonizing and tearful. After a few years I finally came to the realization that God didn’t need me to pray for specific revelation about each and every person on the ward roster. He wanted me to use my own wisdom and judgement and decide for myself who I thought would be well fitted and then take that to Him. Doctrine & Covenants tells us that Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to be commanded in all things but to do good of our own free will.

I really can’t explain enough how much this new perspective on choice has changed me. Yes, our decisions are important, we know that many of our decisions – even the little daily ones – can impact us and our family, and countless others throughout eternity. That’s huge and pretty intimidating. But God still loves us and wants us to be us and that will be a little different for each of us. The Spirit isn’t there to tell us exactly every moment of every day what to do and who to be – it’s to help us find our very best selves with God’s help. That isn’t to say we can choose whatever we want. I don’t believe that’s the case by a long shot. I think that if the answer is no or not now and we’re in touch with the Holy Spirit then we’ll feel that and we should respond accordingly.

Elder Cook ended with these thoughts, “I encourage everyone, young and old, to review goals and objectives and strive to exercise greater discipline. Our daily conduct and choices should be consistent with our goals. We need to rise above rationalizations and distractions. It is especially important to make choices consistent with our covenants to serve Jesus Christ in righteousness… In all things we should remember that being ‘valiant in the testimony of Jesus’ is the great dividing test between the celestial and terrestrial kingdoms. We want to be found on the celestial side of that divide.”

I know that as we make choices that are consistent with our knowledge of the gospel and in keeping with the Spirit that Heavenly Father will bless us with great joy and happiness and we’ll be able to reach all those worthy goals.

Women in Christ: How does He Know I love Him?

So thinking about Valentine's Day and how we can improve our relationships made me think of one of my favorite down time movies - Enchanted. There's a song that the main character sings through Central Park that is one of my favorites - it always makes me smile and possibly tends to bring on sudden bursts of pretending I'm back on the stage again for my kids amusement/horror depending on how you look at it (not admitting to anything here). Well anyways, the whole idea of the song is how do we show that we love someone? is it flowers, a song, a special note?

So that's the question of the week - let's think about it a little how do we show our spouses that we love them?

Women in Christ - Wife for Life and a Giveaway!

Since we’re talking about improving our relationships with our spouses this week I decided I had to share what I believe is one of the best relationship books that’s out there. Wife for Life by Ramona Zabriskie is really a fabulous resource for any woman – married or single about how to improve their relationships with men and along the way learn some more about themselves. I learned so much reading this book, I really can’t say enough good things about it. Ramona is an amazing woman that I was fortunate enough to meet through her church service when I was a teenager. Not only is she smart and funny but she genuinely cares about women and helping improve relationships and making marriages succeed in a grand way.

"I have always thought it was curious how two people-two such different creatures as a man and a woman, who are sometimes wildly different in personality-can behave like magnets, actually feeling drawn together because they are opposites.  Philosophers, scientists, playwrights, and poets have tried to crack the code of attraction for a long time, and I think we wives should join them. The optimum time to beef up your wifely know-how is before you get married and during the first few years of marriage, but there is also much to be learned even after you have considerable experience. Whenever you choose to start your study, if you will focus on defining why you want to be a wife and then learn as much as you can about how to be a wife, and what being his wife is all about-and not just suppose that...poof!... love and happiness will appear at the snap of your fingers or a wave of your wand-then you will have a much better chance of cracking the code; of creating real magic: a grand marriage that is solid and stunning forever." - Ramona Zabriskie, Wife for Life

To read some more about the book please stop by http://wifeforlifebook.com/  and check out her blog – it’s awesome! I can’t wait till I can save up some and participate in one of her Wife for Life University mentoring sessions.

Because I’ve enjoyed Wife for Life so much and because I think strengthening our relationships with our spouse is so important I’ve decided to do my very first Valentine’s Day giveaway! One lucky person will get their very own copy of Wife for Life. The rules for winning are as follows: first you have to like Snatches, Scratches,& Patches FB page and leave a comment there on the post that announces the giveaway saying that you want to be entered to win Wife for Life. You can receive one additional entry for every real comment on a SS&P Women in Christ blog (up to 10 comments),one for sharing the FB post announcing the giveaway, and one for following Ramona on her FB page. I will stop the clock at midnight Saturday and will announce the winner Monday morning. Also you must live in the US.

Women in Christ: Loving our Spouse

Continuing on with the Women in Christ discussions I thought this week it would be appropriate to talk a little about strengthening our love for our spouses.

Genesis 2:18,21-24 says “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him…And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

It was clear from the very beginning of time that men and women were created to compliment, strengthen, and help one another. It’s an absolutely perfect design meant to give us joy and happiness. In a day when so many relationships are failing and falling apart it feels like the impossible dream. If we are to be daughters of God, and women in Christ it becomes the responsibility of each of us to hold fast to that dream and honor the sacred covenants that we made when we chose to be married even when the journey gets tough.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m still a relative newbie on the marriage journey – in just a few months we’ll be celebrating number 12.  I’ll also admit that I had a lot to learn when I got married about what really makes a happily ever after.

What I have learned so far is this – the relationship between husband and wife is truly one of the greatest blessings from God and will bring us joy beyond what we can dream of. I’ve also learned that it’s something we have to work at each and every day if we want to keep it sacred and protected and find the joy that God wants for us. We have to continually and consistently choose our marriage above everything else aside from God. That means choosing to put your spouse first in your life, above the kids, above work, above even yourself.

But wait! Didn’t we just talk last week about loving ourselves before we can love others? Absolutely, but when we take time for ourselves it shouldn’t just be about us, it should be because taking that time for ourselves helps us give the best that we have to those we love. When it becomes just about us then we are being selfish and being selfish is the quickest way I can think of to make a marriage fail.

This is where I get so upset with some of the fairy tales and so many of the modern romances. So many times true love is depicted as quick and easy where everyone gets everything that they want and therefore has a happily ever after. That is not true love. Not quite at least.

It sounds corny but I knew that I had met the man that I wanted to spend the rest of mortality and eternity with not because he doted on my every need, not because he brought along a fairy godmother to wave her wand and make all my dreams come true, but because he inspired me to be my very best.

Like I said, kind of corny huh. It’s true though, and because it’s true I struggle with it each and every day. Day after day I try to challenge myself to give him my best and become better than the day before simply because I love him and because I love him I feel he deserves all that I can give. He’s never asked that from me, he doesn’t criticize me when I don’t meet that goal (which is all too often). He just keeps loving me and because his love is so unconditional it lifts me and inspires me to keep raising the bar and when I fail to try again. His love does so much more to strengthen me and help me seek to improve and become better and make the relationship better then any critiques or criticisms ever could.

So how does your spouse inspire you to be better? If you’ve been struggling with this one take a step back and look, really look at the ways that your spouse says I love you. Because everyone is different (and especially men and women) it may not be how you would expect it.