Musings of a Sleep-Deprived Mom

My thoughts are a bit of a mess this morning. Well actually I’m a bit of a mess this morning. See going on nearly 2 years with only one or two nights that include uninterrupted sleep for greater than 7 hours (most nights I get 4 hours and then up once more before we have to start the day) can do that to a person. So why do you care? Well, honestly I don’t know if you do. But a few nights ago I had some thoughts on this.

See it was midnight. I’d been to sleep for one glorious hour before my adorable alarm clock decided to go off. I fed him and walked him and tried to put him back down but he had none of it. So I tried the cycle again. It failed again. So we walked, and walked, and walked. (If you’re LDS yes, I felt like one of the little pioneer children). He wouldn’t let me sit or lay down without bawling. The only way I could keep him content was to just keep walking.

I remember going through these same nights with Tiger. He was actually a much worse sleeper than Bear is (at least so far, I’m crossing my fingers, and knocking on wood!). I couldn’t sleep well through much of my pregnancy and then he would regularly wake up 1-5 times a night until he was about 4 ½ . I used to count myself lucky if I could get in one good night every two months with him.

It’s kind of funny, sometimes I think God gives me these nights to draw a little nearer to Him. Because often that’s all that’s left when I get into that endless, mindless, forever pacing, at least after I’m done crying because I don’t think my arms can hold them a second longer. I usually end up going back to God, pleading with Him for help and understanding. Why can’t this child that I love so much just relax and get the rest that they need? Why do they demand so much that I feel unable to give? What am I doing wrong? How am I supposed to get anything done or be any good to anyone when physically, emotionally, and mentally I am completely spent?

I still don’t really have all the answers. I have however come to realize that I can look at this two ways – I can continue moaning, crying, and whining or I can try and look for the good. Here are just a few of the blessings that I’m trying to focus on –

I am thankful that I have been blessed with three beautiful children. I wouldn’t trade them for anything – even for a few nights of uninterrupted sleep.

I am thankful that even though it’s small and simple in its own way I know that the service and love I give to these children helps me become a little more like my Savior.

I am thankful that in these quiet hours of service I have been blessed at times (mostly those times when I allow myself to just relax and let go) to be able to feel the Spirit whispering answers to questions I have had and helping me sort through problems that I’ve been pondering over.

I am thankful to know that these moments were part of the Savior’s atonement. He knows my aching arms and tired feet. He knows my tears and pain. If I will allow myself to be comforted, He stands ready and waiting.

In short I can look at these challenges of life and parenting as boulders that block my path or mountains to lift me as I climb. People say that these years fly by too quickly and I know that’s true. These little ones will only be little for so long and then they won’t need me to be there to wipe their tears and help them relax into a peaceful slumber. I often hear the “oh you think it’s a burden now but you’ll miss it when it’s gone”. I’m still not sure about that one but at least I know that if I keep looking for the good then I’ll be able to smile and look back and remember these days with fondness, grateful that I was so blessed.

365 Days to Self Reliance: Day 10 - Update

So it's been a few days since I mentioned my goal of attaining self-reliance within the next 365 days well now 355. I've been pretty busy over the past week and a half as I've been starting to take a look at just what that might look like and mean for our family. After lots of talks with EC and the kids and reading and searching and praying here are some things that we've come up with.

So to review the 6 areas of Self-Reliance (at least in how I define it) and some of our goals for each area:

1. Education: This will be a big one this year. Since we're still at the start of our journey I want to make sure that I don't dive headfirst into an empty pool. I plan on studying a lot more about self-reliance and ways to meet the goals that we've made. We're also planning on continuing on with homeschooling the kids.

2. Health: I don't think I know anyone that wishes that they were less healthy. Especially with the challenges in maintaining our health that we've had over the past year I really want to work with the kids and myself about getting back to the basic routines of good healthy living (water, nutrition, exercise, sleep, cleanliness). I also want to learn more about how to manage basic health problems on our own - basic first aid and what to do when you're sick etc.

3. Work: We all are making a goal to work together on our home to be more self-reliant. I've been tossing around some new income ideas as well. Monkey has actually decided that she wants to start a micro-business selling crochet and knitted goods with half of the profit being donated to a local children's hospital.

4. Home Storage: The goal here is pretty simple and straightforward. We are planning on having a least a three-month supply of food, fuel, and goods in case of an emergency or unexpected need. Our goal will be to produce as much of it as we can and work on being able to do more of our own each year following as well as increase the amount of storage to a year's supply.

5.  Finances: Another pretty straightforward goal. Work within budgets and pay off as much of our debt as is reasonably possible. Part of this will include working with the kids to help them understanding finance and budgeting principles as well.

6. Spiritual and Emotional Strength. I think making a goal to get back to the basics here will also be good. Taking time to make sure we do prayer, scripture study, meditate, and take care of ourselves will surely help.